i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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