I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
