I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
