You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
