Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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