Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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