I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
