There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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