did you get engaged???
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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