oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
