Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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