You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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