Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
