You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
