just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
