So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
