I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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