i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
