he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
