he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
