Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
