My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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