Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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