whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize