How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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