You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar