genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Too much gin, very little bucket
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?