she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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