i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
People in love make me want to vomit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.