yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.