That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize