So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
