She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
