it hurts more in the daytime
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
