I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
