a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
