I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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