Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
