well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
