I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
