the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
