I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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