Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
