Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
