So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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