yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
