im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
