literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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