I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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