Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
