He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
