So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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