So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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