Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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