You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
