so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im holly from the hills drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
