i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
