absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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