oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's always time for handjobs
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
