his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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