She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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