I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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