Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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