i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
