the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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