I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
