kristin has been a bad kristin
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
