so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
