i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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