apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
