I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just pee around me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
