why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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