Kiss
Puke
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
