We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
