Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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