I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
