we have officially lost it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Panties = found
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
