when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
