She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
