i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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