I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
