Ambien. No doubt about it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
