your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
