just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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