from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize