woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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