Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
