you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He did a backflip because drugs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
