Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
