I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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